A Five Piece Nugget from the Lord

It amazes me now how a Friday at home use to mean an extended weekend due to a special occasion of some sort for myself or the family.  A Friday at school was always our work hard, play hard day (Yay Fun Friday).  But now, Friday has lost its oomph and pull as the most popular day of the workweek since many of us don’t have a normal work week anymore.

COVID-19 pandemic has turned the field of education on a topsy-turvy spin like no other.  Shut down districts have been thrust into distant-learning teaching and learning practices.  This shift has had a varied effect on educators and schools as it pertains to, meeting student's physical and social needs and of course the availability of technological learning opportunities in rural, urban and suburban communities.

To be honest, some teachers are working harder than before as they strain to make sure their students are still progressing. My husband, who teaches on both the high school and college-level puts in a full day holding Zoom meetings, sending emails, making calls, grading papers, and creating and uploading assignments.   On the flip side, some teachers, myself included,  can only do so much as they are limited by a lack of internet access for all of their students.  

To be even more transparent, some educators needed this time away.  For them, it truly has been a rough year and they wished every day were the last day.  One thing we all had in common prior to this, however, was that our workloads only increased and the sacrifices of time and money to make a difference was the expected norm.  

But that the time we sacrificed often came at a price, especially if you had a family at home. It is difficult to give your all to your family, your job, and yourself.  Our days would start early and end late as we sped out the house, put on the six million hats we're required to wear at work, then head off to practice, church, civic group, a second job, or to help our kids with homework, prepare dinner, finish up school work, and then get ready to start it all over again for the next day.  Burning the candle at both ends never has a happy ending.  Somebody or something always pays the price.

When I look back over the twenty-three years I've been in the classroom, I can see those years where my marriage suffered, my parenting suffered, I suffered, and my teaching suffered because I had too much on my plate or just didn't have my priorities in check. Therefore, right now, I am so thankful for this time I have at home.

I did not always feel this way. Due to some heath issues earlier this school year, I was “sheltered in place" and unemployed.  It was no one's fault. It was unexpected and I had no idea what the future held for me. I had boo coo time on my hands and the house pretty much to myself until my family returned at the end of the day.  I couldn't really go anywhere because my health would not allow it.  I didn’t like the uncertainty and helplessness I felt.  

 Now, with this pandemic, the only thing that's different is that my family and I are together.  It's yet another unexpected shut down for me that is no one’s fault.  I still can't really do much of anything (because everything is closed), and I again have a share fair of spare time on our hands.  I feel like I'm in some sort of perpetual Spring Break Groundhog's Day kinda life.  Oh, I’m not complaining.  I’m just keenly aware that sometimes I need more time and a do-over to get things right.  Sometimes these do-overs are just for me, and sometimes God takes me through things twice so that I can confidently walk with others pointing out the potholes and paths for them NOT to take.

Last night, after seeing a “fend for yourself” look in my eyes, my middle kid asked if she could pop the rest of some nuggets in the oven for dinner.  I gave her a quick yes not because it meant less work for me, but because I couldn’t wait to pop one of those delicious morsels into my mouth.  PSA…If you like Chick-Fil-a nuggets (and I do), then you will looove the Southern Style Chicken Bites from Sam’s Club. I came across them for the first time about a week or two ago. You can now have that Chick-Fil-A satisfaction on a Sunday from the comforts of your own home although, you may have to improve your kitchen customer service and your assortment of sauces to get the full effect.

Today, God gave me some nuggets of wisdom to share with you since I ate up the chicken kind.   You see, God’s in the business of giving things to us that we know nothing about.   He knows that our end result will be fullness in Him and expects us to share our experiences with others.  The time He gave me, you now have.  The lessons I learned and are still evolving in, you now have the opportunity to grow in them too.

Now I don’t want you to think I’m making lite of the effects of this pandemic on anyone.  It is stressful to not know how bills are going to be paid or how groceries are going to be bought. I understand.  It's a kick to your pride when you have to tell your kids no to things you've always said yes to. Been there. Calls have to be made to cancel subscriptions and future plans are scratched as you now eyeball things to see if you could get one more use from what was easily wasted before. Did that.  I understand educators who may feel like the field is changing too fast for them to keep up and they feel outdated and just plain tired and unsure about going back to work when this is all over.   I know.  But I held His hand and came out...better.

It's all because God gave me these nuggets:

Questioning

Reflecting

Crying 

Repenting

Repeating     

I also do not want to assume that this pandemic is stressing you out.  As I said before, some educators welcome this time. They are having the time of their life. My health issue led me out of what I know was going to be the most challenging school year of my life.  My first time at home sitting at home was not all full of despair. Even with all of its uncertainties, it was a blessing.  I am a better person for it. My family is better for it.  

And yet even in those days of peace, God still wanted me to partake of these nuggets:

Questioning

Reflecting

Crying

Repenting

and Repeating

As a Christian, our first and foremost devotion is to God and let's face it, sometimes we put everything else in front of Him because...well, He's not going anywhere.  He'll be there and He'll forgive us.  While that may be true, living our lives without our Sovereign God at the helm has its consequences!  Everything about us will be less than what He desired and designed.  So no matter how you feel about being home right now, God has a plan for you to be a better person, a better spouse, a better parent, a better teacher, a better member of your congregation, a better whatever He needs you to be when this is all over. 

Don’t forget to click on the hyperlinks.  That’s where I hid the dipping sauce.

Nugget #1:  Question

In prayer, ask Him questions.  

Does my life please You?  Does my marriage please you?  Does my parenting please you? Why did my school year go the way it did?  Does my attitude please You?   Do my thoughts please You?  Am I attending church for the right reason?  What's going to happen next?  Why is all this happening?  What's Your part in all of this?  What's my part in all of this? 

Then be prepared to receive answers as you slowly digest another nugget.

Nugget #2: Reflection

In meditation, read the bible and listen for His voice.  You have the time, now make it a point to read His word every day.  Need a starting point? Choose a good bible app, I use YouVersion.  Start one of their daily plans. They have tons of them (with reminders!) that can guide you through the Word of God for any area of life.  There are also many websites that provide bible studies with videos and study guides.  Check out Biblestudytools.com and utilize Right Now Media’s  free COVID-19 sign up period.  As you read, listen for God's voice. He is always speaking to us in one way or another even when we feel like He’s silent. 

Nugget #3 Cry

I put this in here because it is necessary.  We are human and we feel emotions.  I cried a lot during my time of reflection and meditation.  I cried a lot afterward.  I cried angry tears and scared tears.  I cried apologetic tears and thankful tears.  When truths began to be unearthed, whether they are good or bad, your emotions may just spill over into your eyes. Tears are refreshing and help to remove layers so that God can get to work.

Nugget #4: Repent

 Jesus spoke with His disciples prior to His crucifixion about the coming of His Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit is available to teach us, comfort us and counsel us. [John 14: 16-18, 25-27 and 16:5-15] and God’s word, when it is read with the purpose of understanding His ways, will do just what it promises as it instructs, convict, corrects and trains us. Self-reflection through God’s word should always lead us to an acknowledgment that our ways, actions, thoughts, and words are not up to God’s standards. The Holy Spirit will point this out to us. 
True repentance not only acknowledges your faults, but apologizes for them and does an “about-face” turn. The Holy Spirit helps us to make that turn because we can't truly change without God's divine assistance. True repentance also realizes that forgiveness is necessary, only comes from a loving and holy God and is complete.  Jesus removes our sins from us as far as the east is from the west. His forgiveness is final. Hallelujah!

Nugget #5 Repeat

Well, you prayed, learned something about yourself, cried about it, repented and probably cried some more.  It just starts over, like a never-ending bowl of pasta.  Oh wow, what if Chick-Fil-A had never-ending nugget bowls?!   I digress…

Our walk with God is a never-ending progression towards becoming more like Jesus.  There is always room for improvement and God is always working on us, in us and through us.

As you take your nugget bowl up for another five-piece refill, ask another question. Reflect on your life through His word as you look for the answer. Be honest with yourself as God pulls back areas of your life that expose a need to improve or a reason to rejoice and cry out to Him. Repent of doing things your way and repeat the process all over again.

The Apostle Paul said it best in Philippians 3:12 _AMP , “ Not that I have already obtained it [this goal of being Christlike] or have already been made perfect, but I actively press on so that I may take hold of that [perfection] for which Christ Jesus took hold of me and made me His own.”

When this season is over, there will arise a group of people who are refined and ready. It will be because they took advantage of this time to actively press towards God. They will look different.  They will sound different.  They will live different.  Will you be one of them?

The Lord is with you and you are loved,

Toni

Image nuggets of wisdom source: http://www.savedhealed.com/nuggets.htm

Nap Time Revealed in Luke

As I reflect on last week’s emotional tirade on my part, Your word in Luke 1: 5-39 pricked my spirit this morning. My injustice towards You and the grief I have caused You in my flamboyant and underhanded pity parties all week long was revealed in these scriptures.  Truly a moment to reflect and repent.

I have flitted back and forth between Zechariah’s doubtful, “How can this be?” to Mary’s faith-filled, “How can this be?” in between last Sunday’s spirit-filled and encouraging service to what I know will be yet another one today. Unfortunately, even after a great church service, I spent most of my week behaving like Zechariah.

I have ignored the seed within me, my promise that not only will you never leave me nor forsake me, but that you do have a plan for me, that exceeds even what I can ask for or imagine. I have ignored it because there’s no sign of life… nothing’s leaped in my womb to let me know it’s really there.  Nothing has broken ground to let me know it’s still there… just a word I’ve been given,  “Rest… I will provide.”

In my underhanded way, I have made my dilemma known to whoever would inquire of my current situation purposefully leaving God out or expressing my disdain for waiting for His answer. I want people to know I haven’t been feeling ok with where I am- this stinks- and I realized that I’m blaming God for it. I mean really, who can truly deep down in their being praise God in something they don’t understand, feel like they are being ignored in, are confused about a future they aren’t getting answers to and are still waiting on answers from past problems?

                          Mary, the teenaged mother of Jesus, that’s who.

As I was writing this out in my journal this morning, the Holy Spirit showed me exactly how I’ve been acting lately; just like some of my former prekindergarten students during their first naptime!  “You don’t have to go to sleep,” I would say, “You just have to lie down and rest until nap time is over.”

 I’ve acted like the ones who have been too anxious to sleep.  For some, their anxiety was caused by wondering what’s going to happen next and they’re too excited to rest so they flitted and rolled and talked to themselves.  For others, their anxiety was due to the fact that they were in an unfamiliar place in a darker setting.  Still, there were others who just had a hard time because they have never been made to take a nap…ever…

So, repeatedly from their mat, they may ask, “Is it time to get up?”  With no concept of time, my answer of, “No sweetie, not until 2:00”, would only keep them quiet for a split second before they would ask, “Is it 2:00 yet?”  Frustration would set in and tears may even flow, maybe even an outburst as they waited for the end of rest time while their other classmates snored softly beside them. 

Me, I’m that kid.  All week long, “Is my rest time over yet God?”  “What’s going to happen next?” 

Then the Holy Spirit reminded me about what one of my oldest child’s PK teacher said to me about her during her naptime.  She explained that my daughter Antonia would never go to sleep during nap time.  She would, every day during this set rest, from day one, lay on her mat and just stare at the teacher; no tantrums, no repeated requests, just waiting and watching her teacher.

Now I’ve haven’t been quite that spiritual. I started this time of rest God’s given me by waiting and watching Him, but I over the days, weeks, and now months, I have begun to anticipate His moves.  If I think, He’s heading towards the light switch I’m popping up and folding up my mat… only to kiss my teeth when He walks over to another Child of God to rub them on the back or get some more construction paper to prepare for my “next”.  This week, I’ve been mad because He’s “tricked” me so many times into thinking it’s time to get up.   Just being honest ya’ll. 

So here it is folks. I’ve been out of work… out of the teaching since September, yet God has sustained my family.  I mean like REALLY sustained us.  Who, but our God can move a two-teacher financed household into a new home and then carry them through unexpected health issues, losing one income and then two surgeries?  No one, but our mighty God!   We are happily waiting to celebrate Christmas in our new home with our immediate family… something we were never able to do before we moved back into this area.

Oh, back to the scripture… when Mary went to see Elizabeth, the unborn baby leaped in Elizabeth’s womb at the sound of Mary’s voice.  But Mary who only had a seed in

her… no evidence of promise…her abdomen at rest, waiting for the moment to rise and The Savior of our world would expand within her… responded with heartfelt praise as that first chapter of Luke concludes with her song to God.

So, until my promise expands, until it is visual, even as I walk around with God’s promise to rest over me and His promise within me, 

whenever I come in contact with another like Elizabeth, with another even like Zechariah who could not comprehend how the impossible would occur in what is obviously dormant, 

I will sing praises for the wonderful things God has done; for me in my future and for the wonderful, mighty things He will do for those who call on His saving name – “Jesus”!

Two o’clock is coming! God's getting everything ready.  I will just lay here until He says, “Pick up your mat and rise."

The Lord is with you and you are loved,

Toni

Pack Well For Your Journey

Not too long ago, I posted my triple 'R' blog.  You know, the "Realize, Repent and Return to Teaching" entry.  Well, not wanting anyone to have to flounder like I did in that space of time before I got to the first 'R', I wanted to sort of unpack my attitudinal (I like that word) suitcase from last year with you. Maybe if you see what I mistakenly packed and carried around with me, you won't make the same mistakes that I did.      
                              There's just one condition..
As with any packed suitcase, there are some personal items inside so don't giggle or gasp when I pull out my... well, "unmentionables".  

As you recall, I ended the school year having begrudgingly signed my contract, stalking job search apps, and being depressed because my prospects were slim. How did this happen?  At what point did I start to question my purpose in this profession? 

So that no one gets the idea that God abandons His children. (Yes, He is my Father) The bible is clear that God is very much involved and in control of our lives.  
"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." - Psalm 139:16
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord - Jeremiah 29: 11
"For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose." - Philippians 2: 3

And those are just a few of the scriptures that validate that fact. 

However, we have also choices within the paths and plans that He puts before us.  
"Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it" - Jeremiah 6:16
"This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.  Now choose life..." - Deuteronomy 30:19
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." - Romans 12: 2

And those are just a few scriptures that validate that fact.

So.... one can view teaching as just a job/career or an assignment/plan from God.  The outlook makes all the difference. Once, it registers that what we do is because of God, by God and for Him, it places a level of accountability on us when we get into less than desirable situations.  When we revert back to seeing what we do as just a job instead of God's plan, it can make for a long unpleasant year.

For me, this past school was preceded with warnings about its level of difficulty well before it even began.  Opinions were flying around about new administration and the end of the year academic data for the incoming class was disheartening.  
So I knowingly packed my positive items: 
                                               - prayer
                                                - hope
                                                - chips

Unfortunately, I still had some items left over from the year before in one of those side zippers that I overlooked.
                                     -judgement (that's a whole 'nother blog)
                                     -fear of change(Sweet Jesus, I never seem to unpack that)
                                                        -leftover chips

Then, with each passing bump and curve in the road during the year, I would add three more items in my suitcase
       -disgust  (the offspring of judgement)
       -complaints (an offspring of fear)
       -indifference (the love child of frustration and disgust)

Here's the thing with these items. They aren't items that you would intentionally pack. They can, however,  get in your suitcase and ruin your year when you don't plan about about what to pack or when you let others influence what you take on your trip. 

 Let's face it! In our profession, there are countless opportunities to feel "some kind of way"  concerning the actions of others. However, if we are not praying for God to fix what is broken in those people, we can pick up a pretty pair of judgement, fold it up

neatly, and place it right in our suitcase without batting an eye.  You put enough pieces of that in there and now you're disgusted with a whole group of folks.
And hey! We're teachers.  We're supposed to complain. Right? We have the right to.  Right? I mean, the internet is filled with funny memes and video clips about the perils of teaching....which are often very true.  So I watched them and laughed. I sent them and laughed.  I created them and laughed. But let me tell you, if you are having a tough year, remove yourself from those.  Remove yourself from conversations riddled with complaints and worry that don't end with affirmations or encouragement. It can reaffirm a gnawing suspicion in you that the teaching profession is going downhill with no hope in sight. Don't get fooled into believing that what's going on in education is too big or too insignificant for God to intervene.
1 Timothy 6:20 " O [teacher] (name change) Guard what was committed to your trust, avoiding the profane and idle babblings and contradictions of what is falsely called knowledge..." 

There are just some things you don't need to pack!! 

Prayer, hope... and potato chips are good to keep you covered during the school year, but adding the knowledge of God's will, perseverance, and compassion is a must.  While most of us do, the challenge is making sure that we keep  judgement and fear out because it breeds and transforms into frustration, complaining and indifference all of which make our problems bigger than the God who can solve them.  That's where I missed the mark.  It all just got too much to handle....

So before you grace the inside of your school, look at the year before you.  What do you need to have within you to succeed? What do you need to get rid of to succeed?  

Somewhere in the wonderful book we call the Bible is proof that God is willing and able to pour in the wonderful attributes of His Holy Spirit and burn away those which are displeasing to Him. 
Search for His promises among the pages, pray for His guidance, and pack well my friend.
Have a blessed school year

"[Not in your own strength] for it is God who is all the while effectually at work in you [energizing and creating in you the power to desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure, satisfaction and delight."  

Philippians 2: 13 AMP

The Lord is with you and you are loved,

Toni
                                         

Realize....Repent....Return....to teaching

Soooo, it's literally been like a year since I've written a blog. 

I passed it off on a few things-

                            writer's block

                                        just too tired

                                                   just plain forgot about it

                                                                    too busy

None of which is entirely true... well, some of it did happen, but the truth of the matter is

I was ashamed of my reaction to this past school year.

This literally has been the most emotionally and physically draining school year in my twenty plus years of teaching.  Aside from the fact that my body has decided to continue it's "Hey, let me show you what you need to fix now" tirade, I was blessed (and I NOW say blessed) with THE most challenging class.   

        their behavior...nah, but-

                 their academic ability .... whew!

                           their family life.... clutch the pearls!

                                     their  mental/medical issues... grab a tissue!

Nothing God couldn't handle right? But I know I never really allowed Him to handle it, or trusted Him to handle it, or waited on Him to handle it... HIS way.

I mean I saw this past school year through the eyes of  King Saul shaking his head at Goliath rather than the eyes of the young, faith-filled shepherd named David.  Just like Saul, I set up camp and stared at my giant the entire school year.  My prayers didn't seem to make a difference.  You know, the good prayers, the ones you start off with...  persistent, strong, scripture-filled

  

So I just stared

and began to wonder

"Am I still cut out for this?"

I very well couldn't write an encouraging message for you when I wanted to quit teaching all together now could I?  I wasn't even encouraging my own self and I didn't like what I saw in my spiritual mirror. So, I ended the school year with the Indeed app on my phone searching for ANY job I might be qualified for...

and one day, earlier this summer, I found myself sitting in church

 discouraged

because I realized this past school year wasn't about God changing the situation for those kids, but about God changing me.

"Either way you cut it God, I failed" and I slumped further down in my spirit and my chair.  I ignored the smiles and praises around me and dug deeper into my pity party.  

I couldn't even make a difference.

I didn't even pray hard enough to make a difference.

I made You look powerless God... ok, I made myself look powerless.

I am a spiritual phoney.

I can't deal anymore with the "worst of the worst" and the "lowest of the low", the rejects, the drug using parents, the mentally ill parents, the kids who the system won't help, the filthy kids, the neglectful parents, the ...everything that nobody wants.  For the past three years, it's been challenge after challenge - the student nobody wanted, the parent nobody wanted, the academic group nobody wanted...

I went from being the youthful Saul when he was first chosen as king and passionately challenged all of Israel to fight with him against the Ammonites (1 Samuel 11) to King Saul in the Valley of Elah shaking his head and muttering at (from a distance) Goliath and the Philistine army (1 Samuel 17).

It took me a few days, but God brought me to a place of repentance.  So I had to ask forgiveness for      

 being mad at Him for not making it all better when I asked

for giving up because I thought, "what's the use anyway?"

for being judgemental at parents 

for looking down on others

for not taking Him at His word

for always complaining and being negative

 for my year long pity party...

and for a host of other things too.

But I also want to ask YOU for forgiveness too if I gave you the impression that persistent prayer, and an upbeat personality was going to make your school year peachy and that you would be less of a faith filled Christian if it all didn't work out as planned.

I honestly was under the impression that since He had given me the assignment to teach, that prayer and faith would always make it all better. It had before... I really need to read my bible more... and more deeply at that!  Check this out...

The Apostle Paul says this in 2 Corinthians 4: 1, 7-10 AMP

1 Therefore, since we have this ministry, just as we received mercy [from God, granting us salvation, opportunities, and blessings], we do not get discouraged nor lose our motivation (I should've been reading this more) ...7 But we have this precious treasure [the good news about salvation] in [unworthy] earthen vessels [of human frailty] (oh, so it's natural to come up short...), so that the grandeur and surpassing greatness of the power will be [shown to be] from God [His sufficiency] and not from ourselves. (and it's not about me - ok...) 8 We are pressured in every way [hedged in], but not crushed; perplexed [unsure of finding a way out], but not driven to despair; 9 hunted down and persecuted, but not deserted [to stand alone]; struck down, but never destroyed; (soooo, even in difficult times - and there WILL be difficult times, God will never leave me nor forsake me) 10 always carrying around in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the [resurrection] life of Jesus also may be shown in our body (Even the worst times of my life are going to be used as an example of His greatness).

Paul's life as a man on assignment from God wasn't always perfect, good, or even down right bearable at times.  Yet, he understood that God would get the glory from it ALL and would grow him through it and that he WOULD survive to continue working until God meant for him to stop.  

Sooooooooo, I said all of that to say this...

 So listen up! 

We are amazing educators because God has chosen us for such a time as this! 

Let's return to teaching 

with the Lord on our side no matter what type of school year it may lead us into.

Who's with me!!!!

The Lord is with you and you are loved,

Toni